Hey! Vic Mancuso here! I know, I know. My review of this movie is over a week late, but hey, Christmas ain’t for another 6 weeks, so let’s just consider it early. I’ll try to make this one short because my neighbor Kathy is typing this for me, and I’m sure she’s got her own things to do.
“Disney’s A Christmas Carol” was directed by Robert Zemeckis, the same guy that made the silly “Back to the Future” and the awful “Forrest Gump”. I’m sorry to say, this isn’t much better. Dear Mr. Zemeckis, starting today, Vic bans you from making any more movies!
Let me start with the visual style of the movie. The whole movie is shown in some kind of nightmarish psychedelic double vision. At first I thought the projector was broken, but then I realized this was the director’s attempt at making the audience experience the nightmare the same way Scrooge sees it. Really dumb move Zemeckis.
The effect is so hard to watch, that I had to sit though most of the movie with my eyes closed, only listening to the performances.
( I took this pic in the theatre! I’ve got enough headaches at home; I don’t need a movie to give me one. )
I remember seeing the original Christmas Carol movie when I was a kid, and it scared the hell out of me. The original had real actors playing the parts. As an actor myself, I know the power we wield up on the silver screen. (you might know me from my cameo in Dracula 2000, alongside Gerard Butler, star of “300”!!) Sadly, this version of A Christmas Carol is all cartoon actors. From far, the actors look real, but up close when you look into their eyes, you can tell they’re no Brandos. As a working actor in Hollywood, it burns my balls to see entire movies made with cartoon actors when a lot of us real actors can’t get a break. To pour salt in my wounds, Jim Carrey plays four parts in this movie. Dear Mr. Carrey, that’s three extra parts you took from your fellow SAG members. You’re good at your job, but next time why not give Vic a shot?
Carrey’s main role is Scrooge, an angry old penny pinching geezer that acts like a jerk to everyone, including
his own blood. Not even his family can get him to lighten up. Throughout the movie, he meets three ghosts that scare some sense into him. After lots of rollercoaster razzle dazzle special effects sequences, the ghosts give Scrooge a second chance. He’s forced to man up, make things right, and stop being such an asshole all the time.
I get this movie, and it’s a good lesson for kids to learn. But even as I tried to listen to the movie, there were a bunch of kids horsing around behind me, texting each other, throwing popcorn, wearing shades, thinking it’s cool to be an asshole. The message of the movie was lost on them. Luckily for them, none of the popcorn hit me, or else I would’ve had to shut them down.
So does Vic think you should go see this movie?
Since I didn’t pay anything to see it (perks of the business!), I can’t say I feel ripped off. But thanks to Zemeckis’ double visioned, drug trippy, audience punched in the eye effect throughout the whole thing, I just can’t recommend regular people pay to see this. You’re better off reading the book based on the movie.
This could have been two thumbs up from me, but I’m forced to give it 1 out of 6 stars.
P.S. Thanks to Kathy for typing this for me. If anyone knows how I can fix a computer virus,
please email me at firstname.lastname@example.org
Hey! Vic Mancuso here! Welcome to my very first movie review for Expo Weekly! Now there’s a good chance you’ve heard the name Vic Mancuso before. I’m an actor /writer /producer /director. You might know me from my cameo in Dracula 2000, alongside Gerard Butler, star of “300”!! I’d like to thank Cassidy for hooking me up with this gig. Not only do I get to see movies for free (LOL!), but I also get to share my film expertise with all my fans across the world!
For my very first assignment, they sent me to see “The Box”, starring the lovely Cameron Diaz and the guy who played Cyclops in “X-Men”. “The Box” is a movie with so many twists and turns, it will probably confuse a lot of people. It starts out with Ms. Diaz, a broke school teacher, and her broke husband that works at NASA getting a package on their doorstep. The package contains a wooden box with a red button on top. This is the same box from the game show “Deal or No Deal”. If they press the button, they win $1,000,000, but there’s a catch you won’t see on Deal or No Deal! If they take the million, someone they don’t know will die! They need money badly, so who cares if a stranger dies right?
As soon as they got the box, I told the guy sitting next to me in the theatre that she would press the button. I knew it! Of course Cameron presses the button, and a creepy old man shows up, hands over the $1 million dollars, and takes the box away. At this point, Cameron and her husband are thinking ‘that was easy’. But oh, they are so mistaken. This is where the genius of the movie starts to unfold.
You might think going into this movie that it’s a thriller, but it’s actually a sci-fi mystery. Without spoiling anything, I’ll just say that the creepy old man with the box is not human!! He’s an alien, testing people all over the planet with these boxes to see if they are capable of making the right choice. It’s a big test. If enough of them press the button, then the human race will be wiped out. Trust me, this movie will keep you guessing.
Cameron Diaz’s performance as the good hearted wife that wants extra spending cash hasn’t been this good since Charlie’s Angels. She deserves an Oscar nod for this one. Let’s just say that during her death scene, I don’t think there was a dry eye in the house. Her husband, played by Cyclops wasn’t as good. I think I could’ve brought more emotion to that role, because I’ve dealt with plenty of broads that are all about the money.
“The Box” will play with your mind. After I left the theatre, I couldn’t get the film out of my head. What if a box ended up on my doorstep? I’ve lost packages that way, but if I did actually receive it, I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t press the button. How could I live with the guilt, knowing another human being died because of my greed? Besides, I’ll make my millions soon enough.
So what would you do if a box ended up on your doorstep?
Could you press the button?
Vic gives “THE BOX” 6 out of 6 stars! (I am the only one giving movies 6 stars! Patent pending!)
P.S. Thanks to my neighbor Kathy for typing this for me.